The Three Loves Theory by Roxi Nafousi

Roxi Nafousi is a self-development coach, yoga teacher and host of a podcast called “The Moments That Made Me”. She has written an excellent article which ties together something she calls “The Three Loves Theory”. It is a beautiful and philosophical piece which is slightly longer than your average wedding poem, but makes a wonderful reading in a wedding ceremony.

The Three Loves Theory by Roxi Nafousi

There is a theory that we only fall in love 3 times in our life. Now these times could all be with one person, on one journey. They could also be with different people over a large span of time.

The first time – is aptly named our First Love.

Also known as young love, puppy love, an innocent love. You’ll likely experience this love at a younger age. It will probably be your first “real” relationship that everyone is excited about.

You spend every minute together. Any day spent apart feels like torture, and you’re counting down the minutes until you’re back together again.

This is your first taste of love, its consuming and powerful and it seems, at the time, like the fairy-tale you’ve been waiting for. But when it comes down to it, you’re both young and so fundamentally different.

You are changing and growing so fast you both start to realise that you want different things and the love that you formed together starts to tear. Quickly following your first love comes the first break-up. Its painful and you feel like it will hurt forever - you spend months listening to love songs, getting drunk, just to get over that breakup. And eventually, you do.

The second time – Our True Love.

You get hurt in this one. The hard love: is the love that brings with it great pain in many forms, but it also brings valuable lessons.

It is the one that teaches you the most about yourself. It teaches you what you are willing to tolerate in another person and what you’re not. It shows you what you’re looking for in someone and how much you’re willing to change, or not, for another person. It’s hard, but it’s important – we learn our limits here and we get our scars. You’ll break up and make up to many times to count.

It’s the love we WISH was right for us, but often the person/time/situation in our lives means it just isn’t. This is the love that will make you take a break from loving someone else. And start loving yourself instead.

The final time – The Love of our lives

This one comes blindly, and we are helpless against it. The unexpected love that creeps up on you when you aren’t looking to fall in love.

At this stage in your life, you’re already comfortable in your skin and you’ve built a wall to protect your little heart. It’s probably the wrong time for you, but you’re powerless against this love. It could be found in someone you’ve known for years but suddenly see in a different light, or someone you bump into on the street – and something just clicks.

This love will break down your walls. You find yourself drawn to this person in every way. You’re in love with how they carry themselves, the things they say, and the life they’ve lived, the dreams and ambitions they have. You’re captivated by how they make you feel about yourself.  And how everything, easy or hard, is absolutely worth it with this person.

It is the love you’ll spend the rest of your life with.

Photo: @tinazamoraphotography